Summer of Art

I have been working on Part 2 of my social justice series, but today I'm going to take a break from it and talk about my summer of art.

Before I do that, I want to backtrack and talk a little bit about my grandmother.  See, her mother died when she was only a week old, so my grandmother didn't really know her mom.  Into her 80's, she could be heard saying "My mother never taught me...".

Now... I love my grandmother, and I am sorry that she lost her mom.  But I figure, that's something that dominated the first 20, perhaps 30 years of her life.  I'd accept that excuse from a youngster.

Eventually?  Somewhere in the 20s or 30s, I would hope, I figure that I am responsible for my own life.  Whatever happened in my childhood that held me back then... well, now I'm a grownup, and responsible for my own learning.  If I want to learn something, I'm going to set out to do it.  Even old-school, I could always go to the library and find books with ideas, read the newspaper for classes and seminars, check the phone book for schools.  New-school, it can start with Google.

In the past, I have written about the hangups and holdups that I had with my music and art.  As an undergrad, while I did participate in the bands, I focused my non-class activities on engineering homework and other things, rather than music practice.

Touching base again

Classes seem to be going well so far.  It's been challenging, but I'm learning a lot.  I think I actually succeeded in finding a business school that's fairly supportive of my values!  I'm still rather impressed that that is even possible. 

My mother's MBA did not bring the career and financial stability she hoped for.  Then, when I went to the Purdue Leadershape camp, there were conversations with business majors, about business ethics and product recalls, that I found disturbing.  More on that another time.

My guys (husband and son) just finished a game of Castle Panic, and I'm waiting for my teammates to comment on my draft homework assignment, so I had a little bit of time.

I did want to mention, if anyone was following me for Glee reactions, I'm still active in the fan community.  I switched most of my Glee fandom-related Tweets to a dedicated fan account with an anonymous username.  That allows me to focus my by-name Twitter account on women-in-STEM, technology, and more conventional geeky topics.

It's also tied that Twitter to a Tumblr account for longer posts.  However, I am keeping those account anonymous in order to allow me to talk about some things I'd rather not tie back to my name.

Glee Nationals Reaction post

Okay, I'm stalling.

I have a lot to say about going on cooperative education, about choosing to do the Long-Distance Relationship.  If anyone wants to call it easy, it's not.  But we learned so much about ourselves and each other in the process.  And... getting experience in college most definitely got my foot in the door, made it easier to get a job when I graduated.  So, for me, as hard as it was to leave Brian behind, I had to do it in order to pursue my dreams.

Anyway.  Glee.  I loved Props, it was a really well-done show.  But most of what I have to say right now is about Nationals, because those are the fond memories I want to talk about tonight.

Impostor Syndrome and siblings

My first semester at Purdue was pretty good.  I enjoyed most of my classes, I've already reported that I did pretty well.  The hardest part was not getting to march... which, considering that I never marched in high school, probably should not have been a surprise.

My second semester, was about the time Impostor Syndrome began to kick in.  Impostor Syndrome is a feeling like "who am I to do this?" or "I'm not as good as they say I am," or "feeling like a fraud."  It's not uncommon among women in STEM.  So, not only am I at about the right point in telling my story... the previews and spoilers for Glee's "Big Brother" are affecting me.  For me, impostor syndrome was brought on with a little help from my younger brother.

Interlude: Glee "On My Way" reaction post

Last week's episode of Glee was... intense.  Several dark storylines, and inspiring Regionals performances.

I tried writing a couple of "It gets better" posts on my old blog.  I'm not sure they're all that good.  Truthfully, I have experienced some AMAZING things in my life, at all stages.  Snapshots of some of the GOOD things that I will eventually talk about,  following the text.  There's just a little -- well, a lot -- of angst to get through first.

Gender Roles

I'm set up to start talking about college soon.  Definitely this month.  This week, though, I think I'll continue to talk about different things instead.

I got into Glee just last summer, which means that I've been processing 2.5 years of material in about 6-8 months, where most Gleeks have had that much time to think it over.  I'm beginning to think that those 1- 2- and 4-week hiatuses actually give people time to go back over the previous episodes and think about the implications.

I am... often... slow to declare my favorite shows and favorite characters in public.  With Star Trek: The Next Generation, it was Wesley Crusher.  Hey, I was a geeky teenage girl.  I've already said that my crushes were usually based on intelligence more than looks - though Wesley had both.  And maybe my father was just trying to protect his little girl... although how a fictional character could really be a threat to one's virtue, I do not know.  But my father made sure I know about every criticism his co-workers had.  How they wished the character would leave the show, one way or another.

What I learned was to keep my cards close to my chest.  That to talk about the things I liked the most, just brought on more criticism.  Perhaps they didn't mean to attack me by attacking the things I liked.  But neither did it encourage me to be myself.  So perhaps I am making a mistake one more time, when I talk about my favorite Glee character.

Giving Arts a Chance: Senior year

We moved again, the summer between my junior and senior years.  My father's contract was not renewed, so he spent the summer looking for a new job.

I missed a lot of the job search.  My aunt & uncle in Oceanside, California were preparing to move, and needed someone to house-sit for a few weeks.  So for the price of a plane ticket, I spent the summer with them.


He found another job in South Bend.

Giving Arts a Chance: Junior year

So we moved from Nebraska back  to Indiana.  The place that is home, but not mine.  My mother's family has lived in Indiana since at least 1920.   My father's side of the family has been on the Indiana/Ohio border for about 200 years.

Mom grew up visiting her grandmother on Sundays, and playing with her cousins regularly.  I was lucky to see my grandparents once a year, and my cousins less than that.

We moved to a small town in northwestern Indiana.  Starke County, just north of Pulaski County.

I don't recall registering for classes, so I am guessing my parents registered me.  I'm not sure why I didn't take band that year.  Did I consciously choose not to?  Did they simply forget to sign me up?  Or did it have activity fees that they balked at?  It might not have fit the schedule that I had.  Regardless, I didn't take band.

Endless winters when the dreams would freeze

The summer between 8th grade and high school, was the summer I went to Florida.  I wasn't sure it would actually happen.  Truthfully, living in Nebraska, where the oceans were multiple days drive away?  We didn't travel that far, and I had never seen an ocean before.  Florida and California both seemed like exotic locations.

But I had an aunt & uncle living there.  They had a 3-year-old, and another on the way.  I could buy a round-trip ticket, and be their au pair for the summer.  Eight weeks, and I only got yelled at once.  (I don't count my cousin, she was only three.)  It seemed like heaven.

Giving Arts a Chance - Sophomore Year

Continuing my series of thinking about arts in my life.  My Sophomore year of High School, I was actually enrolled in band.  We had two bands: Intermediate and Advanced.  I was in the Intermediate Band.  This was the year I learned that the only other clarinet player in the school was a Senior.  I got to know her a little better that year, as the only other clarinet player.

Then again, she was out in front of everybody a lot that year.  She was selected as Mother McAuley for the senior's Mercy Day play, she got the lead in Godspell, the Fall Musical.  The school did that with an all-girl cast, it was cool.  And she was the lead for Cinderella, the spring play.  I was so in awe of her.  We exchanged pictures towards the end of the year, she wrote a note asking me to take care of Mrs. Jensen the next year.  I wish I could have done that.

Memory

One of these days, I plan to write about new beginnings, starting all over again... about globalization, family, the village and the internet.  Every time our family moved, it was both a blessing and a curse.  It was an opportunity to start over again, to try something different, be a different "me" than I had been before.  It also meant that nobody knew where I was coming from, or why something might be meaningful to me.

My first high school was Mercy High School, in Omaha, Nebraska.  An all-girls private liberal arts Catholic high school run by the Sisters of Mercy.  I was there for two years, transferring to a public school just in time for my Junior year of high school.  But today I want to talk about Mercy.

Careful what you assume

Sometimes I think I could do a lot worse, than be the person I was in junior high.  Running around playing tag with my neighbors, and such.  I was a long way from perfect, and did some things wrong.  But here's something that I did right.

Glee, Television, and the A in STEAM

Two years ago in December, my son and I made an emergency "plane, bus, and automobile" trip north to visit my mother after another hospitalization in her battle with cancer.  To get out of town, my brother Sguth gave us a ride to the station.  He had a CD playing, and after a short listen I commented "That's not Journey."

"No, it's Glee."

Early Religious Education

My son started "Sunday school" this year, as a Preschooler.  Our UU church here is small, so the 2- and 3-year-olds play in the nursery with the babies.  But as a 4-year-old, he can join the first class.  It's really making me think about my experiences in Religious Education (RE), and the years I spent as an RE teacher.

October Anti-bullying

October is National Anti-Bullying Awareness Month.  I know the month is almost over, but I couldn't let it pass without writing about this.  I wrote a few posts on my old blog last year, as we were dealing with bullying at my son's preschool.  Can you believe it?  Bullying a 3-year-old?  I still can't.  Fortunately, the preschool recognized the problem, and worked to stop it.